I ain't lost, just wandering....

This blog is not avaliable right now, please leave a messge after the tone....

2009-04-16T02:38:00.000-07:00

Right, well i tried to go all flashy with HTML to get it to redirect automatically, but it wasn't having any of it.

My blog has now moved to HERE
Please re-bookmark it too.

I've gone for a change of style and hopefully i'm going to start writing more too!

Happy Holidays

Scary times

2009-04-15T03:36:00.001-07:00

Sunday was Easter Sunday. Quite an important day if you ask me, and if you think that having someone die for you so that you can go to heaven whatever you've done in your life isn't important, then you seriously need your head checking. Following a friends wedding on Saturday i didn't go to the service on Sunday, but caught up on itunes.

In other news, i'm currently writing a letter to the Admissions department at one of the 2 universitys i have a place at. The letter consists of me withdrawing my place, and it's a great feeling. This university in fact i didn't really want to go to anyway, but still, it's quite liberating.

"To Whom it may concern,

I am writing to withdraw my place on the Business and Politics course (LN21) starting in September 2009."

I would like to pad it out somewhat, but actually i don't need to. I'll just put the my details on the bottom and thats it, one down, one to go. Scary times, but encouraging, somehow.

Things are funny....some how

2009-04-12T15:16:00.001-07:00

Ok, so i've just heard this...and it is true....

A toy talking parrot has been recalled after instead of saying "who's a pretty boy" it said "im going to rip your head off and crap down your neck" as well as "arse holes". The owner of the shop have said "i appologise, the toy parrot should not have been in the toy section"

:)

Yesterday once more...

2009-04-10T02:44:00.000-07:00

Ok, so yesterday i was talking about something in the future, today i'm talking about the here and now.

Music.

Yesterday, i bought (selling my soul to Apple) an albumn off iTunes, usually i just buy a few songs, but i'd bought a few songs from an albumn so bought the rest of it too! £7.99 for 27 tracks?! Who can say no. Plus the albumn lasts for 1 hour and 12 minutes of pure genius (and really, name the last albumn you saw that lasts that long).

Now...it's time to fess up, the albumn i bought is Doctor Who Season 4 - Soundtrack, now don't jump down my throat, i know its an odd choice for music, but it's just: amazing.

Being a Doctor Who fan i recognise that each song is part of the series and as i listen through the 1 hour and 12 minutes its a journey, one that takes me back to adventures i've seen, but its not just that, the music is just genius, Murray Gold deserves a knighthood, its that good.

I don't think i can say enough good stuff about this albumn. If you want an albumn where you can sit still but still be going on an adventure, if you want an albumn that's music takes you a journey, then this is the albumn.

I defy anyone to not like it!

Tell me what the future holds

2009-04-09T09:09:00.001-07:00

*Disclamer - I'm currently listening to some beautiful music, so if there are bits that don't make a huge amount of sense then thats why...however...READ ON!*

Definition - future
noun.
1. The indefinite time yet to come

The indefinite time yet to come eh? Well for us mortals it's not indefinite, and so as an 18 year old i feel the need to make every year of my life count. Many times have i been told "you have your whole life ahead of you", which of course is true, but what's also true is that i could quite possible be a quarter of the way through my life and more recently i see people in their 40's, 50's and even 60's who just aren't happy and wish they'd done what they wanted when they were younger. And now i reach this 'younger', the magical time when all my life is ahead of me, and i'm stuck, frankly.

I have 3 options;

Número uno - Oxford Brookes to do Business and International Relations
Número dos - Gap year it; there are many things i can do...it wouldn't be a wasted year "as such" but lets just say that this option isn't my favourite.
Número tres - Bucks New University to do Motorsport

Ok, so unless i have to...number 2 isn't an option. I have nothing against people who take gap years or gap years themselves, infact for many people it's a great time where they get more confident before setting off to university. However for me, at this time, it's not my chosen option.

Right now onto the big choice....

As it stands, i have accepted a place at Oxford Brookes to do Business and International Relations (well technically not the International Relations bit at this moment, but lets not go into that). Now let us break down Oxford Brookes....

Positives

Amazing university
Even more amazing place to live (Oxford)
Great course
Course long term would be great

Negatives

Not necessarily what i want to be doing in terms of course specifics.

And as such, it is that one negative that is giving me hassle...

Business is great, and i love it as a subject, its a great course and long term it would give me a great grounding to do basically anything i want to do thats at all business related....however....lets go onto number 3....

Bucks New University
Negatives (first this time)

It's no Oxford
Not guarenteed a place in halls (although accomodation is guarenteed)
CU is quite small
No river (ala canoe club)
Small university

Positives

It's the type of place i could make my own, develop my own activities.
All sport is paid for by the university
It has a market (i'm very partial to a market)
The course is, how do i put this, AMAZING!

And it is the last positive that is causing me the most fuss. The course is truly amazing, everything i'd want from a course and theres places too. However, i'd have to turn down my Oxford Brookes offer to get considered for the Bucks course (which i'd get onto, but its a decision that cannot be reversed).

See my predicament??

I'm going on an open day at the end of the month so will keep you posted.

The question is, future now? or future later?

60! and still going..."strong"

2009-04-07T09:34:00.001-07:00

I.am.going.ice.skating.tonight.

Aaah!

In my head are you've been framed style shots of me falling over...

It's easter this week, and guess what? I've picked up as heavy cold, bad times. Hopefully it won't last too long.

On a random tangent, i'm watching a new Simpsons episode on Channel 4, that never happens!!!

That'll do, i lack motivation to write more :P

It's quite early...

2009-03-28T22:43:00.000-07:00

So it's 6:43....but my body thinks its 5:43 (clocks went forward last night)...i'm lying in bed and am watching the first Grand Prix. It's very cool :)

This weeks been fun, but tiring...

Monday - Abi came round which was good, we went to Morrisons and bought lots of sweets!
Tuesday - Not sure what i did, but i got a whole lot of work done which was great
Wednesday - It was Abi's birthday which was great! We went to the cinema to see Knowing it was a strange film...first 3/4 was great, last quarter...aliens....it all was very wierd...
Thursday - More work
Friday - More work but went to Dim's in the evening for dinner with some people, that was quite cool.
Saturday - Got up at 6 for F1 Qualifying. Woo Go Jenson
Sunday - So far, got up at 5 for F1 Race....good fun!!

That'll do for now, i really should write more.

Ta Ta For Now

Higher! Higher!

2009-03-17T01:21:00.000-07:00

It's come to my attention this morning that the government and university's are conflicting on major policy.

Today, a survey has come out saying that many university's would (if given the option) double tuition fees. This means that graduates would come out of university with £32,000 of debt, and thats the students that stay. There were 4% less applicants when the tuition fees went from £1000 to £3000, so there would be even less with another rise of fees.

The worst bit about all this is that in 2001 David Blunkett said there will be no top-up fees.

"I've made my position clear over the past two years that I am against top-up fees. But I can now make the government's position clear. There will be no levying of top-up fees in the next parliament if we win the next election."

Yet 2 years later they tripled the cost of university fees and with another proposed hike in tuition fees what does the government have in store?

It strikes me that the government are not doing great at following their aims of trying to get everyone to university if they want it rather than financial circumstances dictating whether someone can go or not.

Especially in the current financial situation, putting students into massive amounts of debt. £15,000 is the current minimum amount of debt for you to file bankrupcy, with increased tuition fees you'd have enough debt to file bankrupcy twice over.

We're constantly been told that debt is bad, but we're teaching our students to get into debt, and not small debt, huge amount!

Frankly, i'm glad that i'll be at university this year, tuition fee's don't change dramatically for students already there, however i do feel for the people who are going next year, apparently we can put a price on education.

Dont tell me words don't matter

2009-02-24T15:47:00.000-08:00

"Don't tell me that words don't matter,", his voice rising with indignation and scorn.

"I have a dream. JUST WORDS ?"

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal. JUST WORDS ?"

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself. JUST WORDS ?"

I love this guy.

Music used to be my thing, something to relax to, to make you happy, to make you sad. It was just what i'd do, radio on, you tube on, itunes on, they'd be something playing.

Recently though, music has taken the form of other words. To me, music is about the passion, music is about having an effect on someone through the words and the melody hittign that spot in your head that just makes you stop and go "woah!". Granted not many songs can do that, but when you find one, it gets played over and over.

What i've now got into still has the words, still has that effect on me, but the melody isn't through instruments, but through the way someone talks, how the words flow.

Thats what i'm talking about.

Words.

They're my music.

Fuuuuuunnnnnnnnnn

2009-02-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

#it's been a while since i 've written anything, i don't think anyone reads it anyway, so i'm talking to myself, which means this is one massive-world-wide-web echo!! "HEELLLOOO" (echo) (echo).

Anywho, this week i've been in Reading, and i'm really not sure what i've done. All i remember is watching all 3 Spiderman films, going to a park and having a picnic. Hmmm. My memory is appauling at the moment, i can't remember anything about Friday.

However, i did make a Strawberry and Apple flavoured Jammie Dodger milkshake. That was pretty darn tasty. Did make the blender produce a funny burning-esq smell though!!

I'm pretty covered in work at the moment, as part of my technology coursework i have to show me making the bike lock that i've made which included welding. I got Matt to take a picture for me, and it needs to be shown because it looks awesome!!

How cool is that?! I do love that picture.

A new addition to my life is Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfigher which now officially makes me a geek. Many of my friends are fans of such games but i've never really got into them, however, i got a new laptop recently and saw the above game in Morrisons for £5.99 and couldn't resist! It's good fun, but very hard, and alot more tactical than the First Person Shooters
i've played before where you just run around killing people! Wow this is getting nerdy, i shall stop.

Have a good week all, (as we established earlier, no-one reads this, so i'm telling myself to have a good week...)

TTFN

A Long and Winding Road...

2009-01-28T02:06:00.000-08:00

I'm in bed, trying to keep my temperature down, its being very unpredictable at the moment and kept me up for a couple of hours from about 5am this morning. I've picked up some sort of Flu-ey-ness, so far it hasn't been to bad and is more headache/temperature/sore throat than runny nose which is good.

The weekend just gone was a really special one, i had planned to go to Bristol on saturday to look around and have a bit of an explore to see if the city is anything compared to the university i have an offer from. I was on a train in chelmsford by 8am and in Bristol for 11.15am, however some scheming had gone on between my mother and Abi and as i walked out Bristol station something jumped on me, and after working out i wasn't being mugged/attacked i realised it was Abi. What a lovely surprise :)

So after 4 hours in Bristol we got a train back to Reading where i stayed the night and then got a lift back with some people from my church who happened to be going through.

So a great weekend, AND i've nearly finished my technology project (the making bit anyway) which is quite exciting and an achievement considering how over engineered it is!

Hope all is well.

TTFN

It's been a long.time.coming, and i can't stop now.

2009-01-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

It really has been an age since i last post and if i'm honest i probably wouldn't have post today were it not for my lovely girlfriend Abi moaning at me last night to do another one....i'm happy to ablige. I fear its going to be a long one, so sit back, enjoy!!

What has happened since i last post.....well im not really sure where to start, but i shall start at the beginning because....*the beginning is the best place to start*

My last post was on christmas day (although it says its 24th December on the post because its stupid and an american website i believe), christmas was great. In the morning we all went in to the parents room to open our stocking and then me and sam went to church and then i went off to Abi's for a bit to do our presents etc. Spent the rest of the day with the family doing family stuff!!

New Year was great, Abi and Fi came over and we had a laugh. Very little to say except the house was rammed and everyone left having had alot of fun!!

School started again a few days after, first week back hasn't been very eventful. This week so far has just been tiring. Had an exam today, Business resit that went very well! Yayy!!

I spent sunday in Birmingham at the Autosport Show at the NEC, was very good fun and met a few very interesting people.

Wow, that was a lot shorter than expected!!

Hope all is well. Until next time!

TTFN
Exams

Snow is falling, all around me, children playing, having fun...

2008-12-24T23:29:00.000-08:00

We'll it's not snowing, but i'm in bed watching the Gavin and Stacey christmas special and lets be honest; What more could you want?

Have a great christmas one and all.

TTFN

It's over, sort of...

2008-12-19T14:56:00.000-08:00

I got in at 10pm after a meal and a nice trip to the cinema with Abi. School is over, but as expected, my body has taken a harsh disliking to me stopping completely.

I knew when i woke up this morning that it wasn't going to be a great day in terms of health etc, i felt rough as old boots, and generally i only get worse during the day. My body's a funny one at the moment, as soon as i feel i can't get any ill-er, it finds something else that can go wron g. And don't think that i'm just over exagerating and being...well...male...about it.

It's been 9 months and a week since i got a viral infection, i'm being vague about it because no doctor has any clue what it is! It affects my ability to concentrate on everything, i can't do much work, i have hardly any energy etc etc. You get the idea, so today i got normal illness too, glands up, temperature up. Man it sucks.

How come when your temperature is up, you feel colder? Thats confusing

I forget what my point was, so now its just a moany post. Oh yeah, i've been so tired, now i've stopped, my body dosent know what to do...

(no subject)

2008-12-18T07:27:00.000-08:00

It is officially; 65825, 65824, 65823, 65822, 658421, 65820 seconds till i finish for this year. At 9.50am, i shall be a rather happy bunny :)

Today i got an email through from the University of Hertfordshire, about scholarships. The title of the section that caught my eye was

"£3,000 a year with the Chancellor's Entrepreneurial Excellence Scholarship

This award is designed to support students with brilliant business ideas. As well as the cash, you'll also enjoy expert help and advice to develop your business proposal."

Wow i thought, this years been really quite a toughy (its quite a long, but not that complicated story), and so i thought maybe, just maybe, this might be a bit of encouragement. For anyone who dosen't know, i run a small business selling souveneirs of the local town. www.maldonmousemats.co.uk if anyones interested, it needs updating alot, but you can see the picture that i use, currently i have mousemats, coasters, fridge magnets and key rings. Anyway, i got a little bit excited about the whole scholarship thing, and the email reads on;

"You'll need a great idea...."

but apparently it was a little bit premature...as the email reads on...

"and 360 UCAS points to apply."

and theres the catch, i've been pretty ill this year and so 360 UCAS points (3 A's) is very much out of the question. And anyway, whats a good business idea got to do with having 3 A's? Stupid thing.

End of rant.

I'm watching Casino Royale in bed right now, i'm a little bit addicted to James Bond right now, i've watched the ones we have at home, plus i'm playing alot (someone say to much) of 007 Nightfire on my playstation. Oh and theres another James Bond game on my christmas list. Woop.

Have a good christmas all!!

God Bless America, God Save The Queen.

2008-12-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

Why is it that we can never face our deepest fears, when it is our fears that are the things that are holding us back from great things.

When we're standing face to face with our deepest fears, whatever they may be, we often turn and run and hide from those things which are the most important to conquor.

It is 7 days exactly until i finish school, excited? yes. exhausted? incredibly. know this weeks going to be the slowest week in the history of the world? definitely.

Tommorrow im going to a navity thing at an old friends house, his family started it last year, and its a proper nativity, animals et al. I've been told to bring sandels and warm socks....this can only mean one thing...

I'm post the photos of me being a sheppard of some sort in the next post....this could be interesting.

I think the problems that we’re going to

face in the new century are far

beyond the Wisdom of Solomon, let alone me.

But I think the right place to start is to say:

“Fair is far. This is who we are. These are our numbers.”

Wow...thats profound...

2008-11-22T16:06:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine recently told me a story.....

"I dont wanna have kids cos i know they will have to live in such a messed up world which is only gonna get worse",

Her friend replied "if you really feel like that then why arent you doing more to change it"

"That really hit me"

Discuss...

Nuff people say, you know they can't believe, Jamaica we have a bobsleigh team!

2008-11-14T12:05:00.000-08:00

That pretty much describes my day....

It was movie themed fancy dress today because its 'Children in Need' day, so of course, i took it to the extreme and went as the Jamaican Bobsleigh from the film Cool Runnings which is the greatest film of all time!! FACT!!

It was a great day, had so much fun!! It took an afternoon to make, but looks great (i think) and i ever won the best sixth former fancy dress prize. Got a massive bar of chocolate, it was great!!

Hope everyones doing well,

TTFN

I've realised something....

2008-11-07T12:20:00.000-08:00

After my last post i realised something....

I've completed number 39 make a jammy dodger milkshake from my list of things to do before 2009

Lets be honest, i haven't done that well on my list, but whilst i was in Reading, i went to Shake Away with Abi, i had Jammy Dodger with Jelly Tots, and Abi had Bakewell Tart....

Another one down!! Wooop.

TTFN

Guess who's back, back again...

2008-11-01T15:04:00.000-07:00

I'm back!

Just a couple of pictures of my week...(and one at the bottom just for luck)

I had a Jammy Dodger Milkshake!!!

Because she does...

Me asleep...or was i?!?!

This is Abi, (its a wig i promise!!)

TTFN

Where i is...

2008-10-28T09:05:00.001-07:00

Right now im sitting on a comfy stool-thing in a cafe on Reading University campus, and might i add...i'm watching Spooks.

I'm up in Reading (the place, not how you read books!) for the week with Abi. And am having an awesome week so far.

I came up on Friday, we went to a Jazz club in the evening with some friends for a birthday party, great fun, except for the pervy old men....

Saturday slept in, went to watch the uni's Christian Union play their first football match. They lost 6-3 but it was still a good game, (and thats alot coming from me, seeing as i really don't like football at all) and i was given a tour of Reading campus (which might i add is my favourite campus that i've looked at, even though thats not hard, seeing as ive only looked at one other) and in the evening we went to Nandos (free refills for £1.90, who can resist).

Sunday we went to church before going to sainsburys and having a very nice dinner. We spent most of the day at home just chill-axing, was awesome.

Yesterday we met up with Abi's best friend Fi, and had lunch, and then me and Fi did random things that she needed to do whilst Abi was in lectures. And then met up with a load of her friends in Mudials (which is where i am sat now).

I've been sitting here since 2pm. It's awesome.

Hopefully do another blog before the end of the week, but since that was nearly a week ago, the odds aren't great!!

TTFN

UCAS is taking over my life...

2008-10-22T12:35:00.001-07:00

UCAS, or Universitys and Colleges Admissions Service for short...is in fact, taking over my life. I've now officially applied to university, its all gone and now its just a process of sitting...and...waiting...

I don't do either very well.

Once you've applied to the universitys that you want using UCAS (funny story regarding UCAS later...) you then can go to UCAS Track which is the bit where it tells you if you've got any offers etc. Well...i don't...not a hint of one, and it sucks!! I've discovered that i don't do patient very well, especially when the 4 years of my university life hangs in the balance...

The universitys i've applied to are;
Oxford Brookes University: Business and Economics
Leeds Metropolitan University: Business Studies
University of the West of England: Business and Economics
University of Hertfordshire: Business and Marketing
University of Brighton: Business and Marketing

And now comes the hard bit if your not akin to the ways of UCAS, its a points system, fairly simple for me because im just doing A-levels;
120 points for an A
100 points for a B
80 points for a C
60 points for a D
40 points for an E

So, according to each universitys website, the typical offers are as follows
Brookes: BCC-BBC
Leeds Met: CCD
UWE: CCC-BBB
Herts: BCC
Brighton: CCC

However the real stats i'm looking are the ones from Uni Stats which is Statistics for each course made up using the National Student Survey. However the bit i like about Uni Stats is it shows how many UCAS points the people on the course actually got.

According to this website;
45% of people doing my course at Brookes got between 240-320 points (CCC-ABB), however it also states that 10% of people got 200-239 points (DDD-CCC) which i like BUT the stat i like the most is at the top, which states....(drum roll please)....that 5% of people got 120 points (EEE) or below!!

YEYYY!!! THERE IS STILL HOPE!!!

haha.

Anyway's my funny UCAS joke....

Yesterday i found out through a good mate of mine that there is a musicians UCAS called, CUKAS (Conservatoires UK Admissions Service), by the way, if like me you didn't/don't know what a conservatoire is (and thanks to Matt who thought it was a French version of a conservatory)....

The definition is; a conservatoire is a school of music.

Anyway, the Conservatoires UK Admissions Service is, as i said before, a musicians UCAS,

Musicians, UCAS

MUCAS? Anyone? No? Just me then....

Its probably not true but makes for a good story and a good reason to have a conservatoires UCAS not a musicians one!!

That'll do me thinks.

I shall leave you with a lovely picture of my weekend...lets make it into a caption competition...

Ta Ta For Now

Postman Pat: SDS

2008-10-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

"What's happened to Pat and Jess, his black-and-white cate? Trusty postie must have got bored with the pace of village life and started thinking about his long-term career prospects. He's moved to a much larger town with a state-of-the-art sorting office and all manner of high-tech gadgets - including a shiny red, er, helicopter, and a motorbike with sidecar (for Jess). The new, fuel-injected Pat gets involved in some crazy adventures, but still makes sure his post gets there in time. Good to know that some things don't change - much."

I think what's most worrying is the small sentance i found on a You Tube clip was "the new Postman Pat has a talking car and a gun". What this means is that the new Pat is trying to be David Hasselhoff and on previous evidence...

...this dosen't bode well.

Ta Ta For Now.

Today is a new day

2008-10-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

"My god, takes the broken, and makes them whole."

Ok, so yesterday i was in a baaaad place. Not fun, not one bit. However...today is a new day and i am doing alot better, so as above "makes them whole" and that i am, not perfect by any means but alot better!

Oh AND i discovered today that the course i want to do at Oxford Brookes actually has a lower entry requirement that i'd originally seen!!! Wooop Wooop (remind me never to do that again)

Thats enough for today me thinks...

TTFN

Sometimes you can't make it on your own.

2008-10-01T12:06:00.000-07:00

"Don't leave me here alone"

I'd be lying if i say i'm ok, i'd be lying if i said that im even half good. I've got worse, the last few days, they've been tough, really tough.

It's UCAS time, time for university applications, time for panicking, time for hard times. It might not sound very stressful, but at this moment i don't know whats going to happen over the next 10 and a bit months. 6 months ago on the 11th March i was on for 3 B's, not alot compared to some of my friends, but i'd have been very happy with that. On 12th March that changed, and slowly but surely my grades dropped and dropped, now i've been told that if i were to wake up tommorrow 100% healthy and then worked myself hard then i could get a C. Which pretty much puts me out of the running for every university i wanted to go to.

Not only that but i'm getting worse, not better. I've spent the last 7 hours in bed...

"My god, takes the broken, and makes them whole."

Now its a game of patience, i'd set my sights for Oxford Brookes to do Business, but for that i need 3 B's, thats 300 points. My other main 2 choices are Herfordshire and University of West of England (UWE). Hertfordshire want 260 points which is CCB, which is possible, although depending on when i get better, not necessarily probable. UWE want 200-260, which is more likely with DDC to CCB. The other 2 will need 2 B's although i doubt i'll put them down as final choices unless i have too. I'm sending a Doctors letter to all of them too, so hopefully that should help, and hey if you saw a doctors letter saying "he has been ill for 6 months and can't read of write properly" you'd hope that they took some pity on me. And just like John McCain with his "i was a POW speeches" i need all the sympathy i can get, especially if it helps me get into a better university!

Hope everyone is well, and not too stressed out.

Ta Ta For Now

I don't know anymore, lets just take it day-by-day and pray that something happens

Error

2008-09-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the eagle eyed amongst you will have realised that a) i'd spelt wondering wrong (in the title of the blog) and b) i've now changed it to save any more potential embaressment...

Anyway. I haven't written in a while and lets be honest, nothing particularly exciting has happened in my life anyway.

Although, i baked my first ever cake...it's part of the "Abi Machin - domesticalise (Abi says it should be domesticate) your boyfriend in 2 weeks plan" and so far, it seems to be working. I've baked a cake all by myself. OH and i cooked for Abi too, and it was very nice!!! I wonder what's next on her list....tune in next week to find out viewers (readers)

Something a bit different today though, to end. I've written a letter/email thats been sent to the vast majority of my friends;

"Hi All

Sorry that this is a bulk email, but people have been asking me what’s wrong with me so I thought there would be no harm in telling everyone.

I think people assume that when I say I’m tired that it means I need sleep, and when I say that I can’t concentrate it means that my mind keeps wandering, but this is not the case. I don’t look ill, but that is because on the outside you cannot see that there is anything wrong with me, however on the inside I have muscle fatigue, and cannot do things for any length of time before getting physically worn out. I used to be able to cycle for miles and miles without hassle, now I struggle to do 1 mile. And the concentration thing…the words go fuzzy on a page, my eyes lack focus, but it’s not a glasses/vision related thing. It is really frustrating me not being able to do the things I want to do, and I’m sorry that I can’t do things with you, but just because I can’t, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to, so if you could be understanding of my situation and understand that sometimes (or most of the time) I will say no, but please don’t get annoyed with me when I don’t do the things I used to do, its as annoying and frustrating for me I can promise you that.

This is really tough for me to say because I struggle with this a lot, but it needs saying. The thing I’ve found most hard during the last 6 months; is feeling lonely, feeling left out. I know some of you haven’t known how to react to my illness, and the fact that I don’t have anything visibly wrong with me has been hard for you to cope and deal with. But I want you to know that at times I’ve felt left out, alone, sometimes even unwanted. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call or a text, but sometimes I just need people to listen.

The purpose of this email isn’t for me to seem holier than thou, or for me to point out peoples flaws. The point of this email is for me to help you guys understand, so that if this happens to someone else you know, you’ll know how best to deal with it.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, means a lot.

Jono"

I think thats enough for one night.

TTFN

(no subject)

2008-09-12T13:47:00.001-07:00

It's just under 24 hours till my 18th. Yes i'm having it early, but yes you'd get hyperthermia standing in my garden in october!!

I'm exhausted, this weeks been very long but very good fun.

Monday me and Abi went into Chelmsford and had a very nice meal in a place called Gerado's (i think)
Tuesday she came over for a while in the evening.
Wednesday i was at a meeting for DM+ (youth group) which was great fun and a good laugh.
Thursday (evening) i was up quite late, got side tracked and spent ages talking on the internet.
Friday (today) school was good, and i was in a really good mood, and still am.....except for the huge amount of pain i am currently going through. I had a really bad accident with a saw and got a really deep cut in my finger, and it will probably need stitches.....but to get all the ergh out theres some cream on it, and it properly hurts!!

Tommorrows going to be good, am so excited. Even have a friend that i haven't seen for nearly 10 years coming!! So very excited!!

Will post some pictures once it's all over.

Hope you all have fun weekends.

Love you mothers.

TTFN

School time again....

2008-09-04T00:13:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting in the kitchen at 8:13am on the morning of my day of Year 13. Scared? No. Excited? Ish. But to be perfectly honest, i'm pretty neutral about it all, i've done as much as i can do, and thats about as good as i can do.

If any of you don't know, i've been pretty ill over the last 6 months, post viral/fatigue type thing. Basically, i have very little energy and i struggle to do anything that takes any real effort mentally which is very frustrating. So i go back today with 3 pieces of coursework not finished, or at least not up to where i should be. It'll be fine because all the teachers have been really good about it, but like i say, i've done all i can now.

I'm off!!

Speak later.

TTFN

-----

So it's now 5:41pm. I'm home, exhausted, but watching Moto GP so all is good.

So...How did it go? Ok i guess, i'm still not great, so i really struggled with getting any work done. I did a bit of maths, and thats about the most work i could cope with all day. It's very frustrating, but i've just been on the phone to Abi, and had a very funny conversation to a really good mate before so i'm still in an alright mood. Although i'm properly exhausted!!!

Love to your mothers.

TTFN

It's been a while...

2008-08-30T02:51:00.001-07:00

Ok, so its been a while since i last wrote. And shock horror, not a great deal has happened. Last post was on 15th, its not the 30th, so i'll take it week by week.

Week 1 - 16th to 23rd (yes, saturdays are now the beginning and ending of my week...)
I cant remember a huge amount about that week, except that i went to Italy, it was alright, although i spent the first 3 days getting over travelling, and then couldn't really do anything because of my destinct lack of energy!! We were by a lake, it was a nice view, we were in the mountains looking down on to it. The rents usually went out in the mornings whilst i was asleep, sleep is almost definitely my friend!! We came home Saturday evening and after Fish and Chips, all was well.

Week 2 - 24th - 30th (so now Sunday's are the beginning of my week and Saturdays the end, now im confused!)
So i wake up early Sunday, go to church, but didn't get home till gone 10...confused? you should be. I went to Abi's, for 2 purposes a)to meet her best friend who's going away for the year and b) (as Dim put it) i went for 'the' interview. (just incase any of Abi's family members are reading this, that was a joke!) It was great fun actually, although i can't remember what we all did, except for lunch and going to get sludge from a big pond, which turned out to be a non sludgey pond....error. And then we watched Sweeny Todd, which made me laugh alot!!

Reey, now we've got back to 30th, which is today. 2 weeks in one blog! DONE!!! (Gordon Ramsey stylee)

Love to your mothers.

TTFN

Ok...so maybe this is going to be tougher than i thought...

2008-08-15T12:13:00.000-07:00

So you don't have a clue what i'm talking about do you?!?! (unless your name is Raz) But if your name isn't Raz of which the chances are high then i will explain. It's a relatively easy explanation....1 word....Bassenfell...

Bassenfell is simply a Christian camp and although it might not sounds great, its one of the best parts of my year, especially this year, but alas because of the whole 6 months of illness thang i've had to pull out which is soo annoying!! And i still really want to go, but there ain't nothing i can do about it, especially now people are 12 hours from leaving.

So instead of rainy heights of the lake district with friends, i get the stupidly hot lows of italy with my parents, oh joy. Now don't get me wrong i'm not ungrateful, i know that most people my age would bite someones arm off to get to go to Italy for a week but i'll explain why i won't be joining the queue of biters......firstly; i'm on my own, or pretty much anyway, my parents don't count. It's our first 'family' holiday without my brother sam, so it won't be quite as much fun. And secondly; everything i enjoy on holiday i.e reading/writing/excersising are the things i can't do, (because of the ill thing...).

Oh well, there aint nothing i can do now...

Goodnight, see you in a week....

Love to your mothers.

TTFN

Oh what a beautiful morning...

2008-08-11T02:36:00.000-07:00

Or is it? I'm not sure, you wanna know why?? Well, at 10:38 i'm still in bed, my curtains are shut too so i don't know whether is it a nice day or not. But to be perfectly honest, i don't care, because today i'm exhausted. I had the BEST weekend in a very long time, on friday me and dad drove to Brookland Raceway which is a rc race track, it was such a good day, although very tiring, i had the track to myself and go loads fo track time. I was chasing a setup problem all day which i've only just worked out that it was me not noticing that some ~~very important~~ not particularly vital screws weren't done up properly, but i didn't notice them so the car i was using had lots of problems, but ~~i wont be so stupid next time~~ i'll notice it next time.
---------
Ok so i'm downstairs now because my laptop wire ~~started sparking~~ dosen't look particularly safe. So i'll tell you about my Saturday; i can't remember what i did during the day but in the evening i went to a surprise birthday party for a mate of myn, it was really nice, although i didn't know many people there, but was still nice to see the people that i do know :) But yesterday was brilliant, church in the morning, then Abi (she's my girlfriend) came round and we spent the day together. We ~~failed at doing~~ did a 1000 piece puzzle, but realised that we weren't going to finish it, so went for a nice walk instead, and then went to church again in the evening, went to snac (its like a youth thing after church) and had some awesome chats with people, and kept myself suitably amused watching Abi reading a kids pop-up book, it seems that at the age of 19, kids books can still make you laugh lots.

Anyway, all is good in the house at this moment, although i've got results day on thursday which isn't going to go well......

Love to your mothers.

TTFN

24 Hours of...erm...Bluewater :S

2008-08-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

Ok....so i've got a few new readers which is good. Howdy to all y'all who are new.

So i've got an idea, one of many but an idea at that. For any of you that don't know, i'm a HUGE Motorsport fan and love getting involved in all that is Motorsport; Business, Engineering, Spectating, Racing...i love it all. And used to be a national level radio controlled (RC) touring car driver (if you haven't a clue what im on about click here to find out)

So like i said....i've got an idea.

So you've heard of the 24 hours of le mans or maybe you haven't, its basically....a 24 hour long motor race, a test of nerve, endurance and drivers ability to stay at the wheel of a 200mph for 4 hours at a time without crashing!! We'll, my idea is....a 24 hour RC race, now this might not sound like much of a challenge, but us RC races only last 5 minute races AND we don't have to concentrate for any longer than that. On a race day, we have 6 races maximum so the thought of 48 race days in 1 day sends the chills up even the most hardened racer.

Now it would take a whole lot of planning, and it'd be done for charity. My basic idea is 10 teams, all with the same chassis, tyres and motor (so no-one has an advantage), run in a shopping centre so that a) more people see the racing and b) so that more money is raised!!

I've asked around of one of the more popular RC Forums and all the guys and girls seem really pumped up for it. But like i said, it would take sooo much planning, lots of emailing me thinks...

For a spec (everyone has the same thing) race i'd need to organise;

10 Cars
10 Electronic Speed Controllers
100 Sets of tyres (thats 400 tyres) thats 10 sets for each team.
20 or 30 motors (because motors hve a tendancy to a) blow up or b) overheat when used for long periods) so 2 or 3 motors per team would do.
10 Bodyshells (of different colours so drivers and spectators dont get confused)
A massive spares back up (because certain parts on rc cars need replacing after that long, and thats without any crashing)
Mains power
Race carpet
Barriers (on track to make a track and bigger ones off track to stop people
Any banners (for advertising)
10 teams of 5 drivers each (all must have BRCA membership because of insurance issues)
A place to do it (shopping centre....lakeside? bluewater?)
Pits
A rostrum (to stand on, raised above the track)
All the other things i've miss off the list (of which theres probably lots)

As you can see theres lots to organise. BUT hopefully it will all come together eventually, although i probably should focus my energy on getting better....

Love to your mothers.

TTFN

Pay It Forward

2008-08-02T06:37:00.000-07:00

There's been alot of 'stuff' going on in my life recently, i think 'stuff' is the best way to describe it, some good, some bad, some really bad. But i've given up caring now, and i know that sounds very flippant, but it's true, why care about something you can't control, i can't control my health so why complain about it? Why let it bring you down when theres nothing you can do about it. Which (tenuously) brings me onto my next point (and the point of this blog); is there anything in this world that bothers you?? world hunger? homelessness? Well whatever it is, do you just sit there and let it happen? or do you think about how to change it? And not just think about it, but actually do it?

There are 2 things that've happened to me this week (well, 2 things that are relavant to the point i just made). Firstly....i found a copy of the 'Universal Declaration of Human Rights' on my dads desk (its not as random as it seems, and one day i may explain why it was on his desk, but that's all part of a blog post which will probably have the title 'i have the coolest dad' or something like that), and it got me thinking (i've done quite alot of that whilst i've been ill - and this is thinking along the lines of, "what can i do?"). So, in the same way that this year i set myself that list of goals to achieve (which in hindsight isn't going very well) i think next year, i'm going to work my way through each 'article' of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (which from now on i'll call UDHR because i'll get bored of writing the full version) and try and put it into practice. Now this is both easy and hard, for example article 25 part 1 says "Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing....." now this is easy, (or easier) if i so pleased i could rock up to london go up to a guy/gal living on the street and give him a Mars Bar and a jumper, it could be that simple, or i could set my aim a bit higher, and could take that 10% of my next pay cheque at buy loads of Mars Bars or loads of Blankets or jumpers or whatever. My aim is to make a difference, i might not have changed the world (read down to understand why i use that phrase) but i've made a difference, that guy on that street in that city has just had some food, AND is gonna be kept that little bit warmer that night. BUT, and this is a very big but (hense the capitals and the bold), some parts of the UDHR aren't as easy, for example article 16 part 1 says; "Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution."...you understanding the challenge now?? and read the rest of the UDHR, some of its nearly impossible which, when i get to 31st December 2009 i may go "ah....need some more time" and that will be fine. I want to get everyone i know involved in this, everyone has talents, so why not use them?!?!

This world USED to be a perfect world (and i'm talking billion's upon billion's of years ago now), when god made the earth everthing was perfect, there was no 9/11 and no tsunami. A guy called Adam and a girl called Eve did something they shouldn't have (and don't go blaming all this soley on them, because if you or i was in that position then i'd pretty much guarentee that we'd do the same) and because of that, the worlds not the same as it used to be, but it dosen't mean it has to stay like this. Now you might be thinking "why is he doing all this??" and the answer isn't what you'd think (most probably), i'm not doing this for myself, i'm doing this for the glory of god (and here comes my problem, if you don't know what that is, i'm struggling to work out how to explain it and you can't define it really) basically (and watch how rubbish my explanation is) we need god, and i know that sounds really naff, but....we do, and every time we do something for god (rather than for ourselves to make us feel better) we bring glory to god...wow that is a rubbish explanation but i hope you kind of get the gist of it.

Anyway, this is one way of making the world that gods given us (and that frankly, we've ruined) justa bit better, and that might not be getting America to sign the kyoto treaty but its something i can do. And piece by piece, the world will be that little bit better. Now, for the second story (yes, we are now officially half way through). Today, amongst other things i've watched a film. It's called Pay It Forward and is possibly the greatest film i've ever seen, and included the worlds best teacher (played by Kevin Spacey, naturally) who gave his Social Studies class the worlds greatest assignment. "Think of an idea to change the world, then put it into practice". Now this might sound like a rubbish assignment, i mean where do you even begin to start?? But it made for one amazing film, a kid in Spacey's class takes his idea of "Pay It Forward" (hense the film title) and slowly but surely, does some real good. His idea is basically, do 3 really good deeds to 3 different people, ones that will change their life for the better, and then those 3 people do 3 good deeds to another 3 people, and before you know it, you have loads of people doing loads of good deeds. Now amongst the complicated love affairs of this kids mum, the kid thinks that all his deeds have failed when, 1) the homeless guy he helps goes back onto drugs, 2) he doesnt stick up for the kid who's being beaten up and 3) he sets the amazing teacher guy up with his mum and they hit it off, but then this kids dad comes back and he's un-alcoholiced himself so the mum decides to give the dad a chance, letting the teacher guy feel like a right tard. BUT, the film ends (well near the end, i wouldn't want to spoil the true ending of the film which is heart wrenching) with the kid discovering that his philosophy of "Pay It Forward" has reached miles and miles away in Los Angeles (the film's set in Las Vega's). Now this got me thinking about all the stuff above, and thats another part of the plan. Just got to get myself better now....which could possibly be a harder problem to solve than the whole of global poverty, or...even harder to work out...why exactly at 00:34am i'm lying on my brothers bed writing this (he's not in the bed by the way, he's living in Uganda, so i've commendeered his room for myself)....which is a problem that can only be solved one way....

Goodnight. Love to your mothers.

TTFN

P.S Before you go to bed tonight (tonight being the night of whatever night you read this), think about what i've written and said. You might be a christian, you might be Agnostic, you might even be a Scientologist, BUT, you can't like the state of the world, and there IS something you can do to help.

"Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised..."

2008-07-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

On January 22nd of this year i made a list of things i wanted to do by the end of the year. If you can't remember, and lets be honest...i can't, so if you want to see it click here. If i'm perfectly honest, i haven't done very well....or at all well......

Of the 45 that started with, by my reckoning i've completed 2, with another 6 that i've kind of completed or will complete in the next few months. The ones i have completed are....

2. don't get any points on my driving licence (but considering i've only driven for 3 months of this year, that wasnt hard)
41. make donkeys/other random animal out of wood (click here to see it)
42. eat something i've never tried before (i can't remember what exactly, but i do remember eating something new...)

And the ones that i've kind of completed are;
29. always look on the bright side of life
35. remember all my (good) friends' birthdays
44. make the effort with people
45. find something good about every single day

With 1 that i will almost definitely complete ;
9. apply to university

With my last post being about aiming for things, i'm going to aim for the following one, obviously because of being ill some aren't possible, but the following i'm gonna aim to do in the next 5ish months...;

3. get a "proper" job (or just develop my current business)
4. learn how to make a good cake
7. tidy my room
11. use the words "don't you know who i am?" successfully
13. pretend to be a foreign tourist for the day
14. send a message in a bottle
15. buy something from harrods
18. stop biting my nails (i've been 'bribed'/threatened to stop doing this by a mate)
20. save 10% of everything i earn (i might not save it, but i think i'm going to give it away to a worthy cause)
21. go to madame tussauds
26. take the boat from greenwich down the thames
28. cook a three course meal for friends/family
36. stop looking back and concentrate on now
39. make a jammy dodger milkshake
40. watch more 'classic' films

So.....there we go, another blog, and hopefully some goals that can be completed. And if i do complete them all, that will be 23 of 45, which i'll be happy with considering the topsy turvy year i've had!! And then maybe i can do the others next year.

Anyway.....Love to your mothers.

TTFN

Jonboi

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

2008-07-05T13:32:00.000-07:00

I've been doing alot of thinking today, basically up until this time last year i used to race radio controlled cars, and although it sounds very geeky it's what got me into motorsport and taught me alot of things about myself, about how to be patient and about working hard and putting the hours in. Anyway, i've probably got around £1000 worth of equipment in my room on a shelf that is dedicated to my racing stuff, and it's all in the same place that it was last time i'd finished re-building the chassis and some of it still isn't back how it should be, and today i've been thinking about how dedicated i was to it, and how i've just stopped, and havent raced since probably May 07.

So dad's agreed to take me testing again, we'll probably go to Brookland Raceway in kent, it's more of a nitro track becauseof its REALLY long straights and fast corners but hey, it's track time and it'll only cost a fiver for the day, so i'm not bothered. Anyway (again), i've been looking through some of my documents on my laptop (which now has wireless, YEY!!!) and i've found a document called "RC Aims and Achievements", and i opened it up and it's all the things i want to achieve...now they're in reverse order of (hopeful) completion and won't make a huge amount of sense to anybody (unless on of my readers is aquainted with the scale motorsport world!)

World Champion, World Podium, World Championships, Euro pean Champion, European Podium, European Championships, International Reedy Race Champion, International Reedy Race Podium, International Reedy Race Championships, DHI CUP Championship, DHI CUP Podium, DHI CUP, National Championship Winner, National Championship Top 3, National A Final Win, National A Final Podium, National A Final, National Championship Top 20, National B Final Win, National B Final Podium, National B Final, National Championship Top 30, National C Final Win, National C Final Podium, National C Final, National Championship Top 40, National D Final Win, National D Final Podium, National D Final, Southend A Final Win, Southend A Final Podium, Southend A Final, Southend B Final Win, Southend B Final Podium, Southend B Final.

Now, i kind of have completed 2 of them, "Southend A Final" and "Southend A Final Podium". Bit of background before i explain, southend is a club that has an outdoor track, and is one of the most competitive clubs in the UK, and is famous in racing circles for its track. Now because of going to church usually on a sunday, i dont get to race outdoors as often as i'd like, but on certain occations i would race outdoors and on a certain sunday most of the racers were away, so there was only 2 racers in the class that i was in...so i was in the A Final, despite qualifying a few laps down! So technically, i have been in the A Final and been on the podium. Anyway, the whole point of this is how dreams and ambitions change, a year or so ago i wanted to be the 1:10th scale electric touring car world champion, but now, now i just don't know what i want to do, i still have the same drive as ever, ish...but it's not as easy anymore, it takes real dedication and some serious cash to be at the top now adays, and however much i settled for being in the same group of racers every week because i couldnt get any higher because of the equipment i was using, i wanted to be the best, and i still do, i just want to be the best and not have to put in the serious hours that being a world champion requires. So i guess the moral of this story is...

Aim for the stars, as high as you can possibly go, and if you put in the hours and the effort, then you can do it, my dream used to be being the world champion, but i wasn't dedicated enough. It dosent matter who you are, and what you want, and what you get called, go for it, because the worst you can do is fail, and failure isn't failing, it's learning how not to do it.

Love your mothers

TTFN

P.S Charlotte wants a mension...so there you go...

It dosen't matter who's wrong or right...

2008-06-25T02:04:00.000-07:00

What a difference 2 days makes eh?? Sunday i was all down in the dumps and today i feel great!! I'm having a really great week :) school's really good, and i've got the house to myself until tomorrow at least :) happy happy happy.

Not really sure what to else say.....except its all good in the hood!!!

Love to your mothers

TTFN

Nobody Said It Was Easy...(Part 2)

2008-06-22T06:53:00.000-07:00

This week has been pretty topsy-turvy, highs and lows etc etc...

I guess i'm struggling because most people don't seem to understand what is really wrong with me, back at DM+ on Friday and at the quiz on Saturday lots of people were saying to me "Well you look alot better" and sure i might, but considering that a) 90% of people havent seen me for 2 months and b) nothing is visibly wrong with me except for some slight bags under my eyes its hard to explain to people that i'm not 'alot better'. Yes i have more energy to do stuff, but i can't concentrate for more than like an hour a day, its so frustrating!! Friday morning i did 50 minutes of solid work on my Business coursework but after that i couldn't string sentances together. Although ironically i'm managing quite well now...

But thats how its been, today i feel light headed every time i stand up but can write fine, yesterday i didn't make a huge amount of sense when i was talking but went out to a friends house and went to the quiz last night. Hense why im paying for it today!! School tommorrow is gonna be a bundle of laughs....plus my rents are going to Uganda for the next 8 days so i get the joys of Gma looking after me....

I've got some nice things coming up, and i'm looking forward to the summer which is only a month or so away just so i can rest and do nout. The way i see it, its damage limitation, get through the next 4 weeks not being too far behind on school work and i'll be happy. The smaller the amount of work i have to catch up on the happier i'll be!!

I get the feeling i'm making my keyboard depressed, so i'll end here. Hope your all ok.

Love to your mothers.

TTFN

Nobody Said It Was Easy...

2008-06-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

Howdy Howdy Hi...
It's been a while eh? I've jsut been watching this http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cornwall/7451178.stm
bless that guy, he has a point though. We as citizens of 'the great british government' aren't always listened to and whilst his case is probably quite rare i think its still important that 'the little people' as he put it, are listened to...

Since i've already started on a political theme i think i'll carry on. Last week Max Mosley President of the FIA (Governing Body Of Motorsport) had a vote of confidence as to whether he'd stay in his position of President. This has follwed after he was caught with his literal trousers literally down!! Anyway the point is that he won the vote of confidence and refuses to step down, which whilst it may not effect how he does his job in the office, many of the leading FIA people from the major F1 circuits around the world refuse to meet with him....during the Monaco Grand Prix weekend he was uninvited to many functions, meaning that now he can't do his job well out of the office.... And whilst i can't do anything about it, its annoying!!

I am feeling a bit better this week, im now sleeping better so i don't feel the effects of the day befores antics!! Today was another exam, and it went ok, i didn't expect it to go great and it didnt, but they're now all over :) Tommorrow a UCAS applications morning (uni applications process) which wont be fun but wastes time so im not complaining!!!

Love to your mothers...hope your all well!!

TTFN

Scream at the top of your lungs...

2008-05-23T01:37:00.001-07:00

It's been a very eventful week in the world of me....well kinda....
Last Friday...well ok, friday wasnt the most fun i've ever had....i don't even think i went in to school....

Saturday however was eventful, i went into town to deposit some of my lovely mouesmats to various shops in maldon...(http://www.maldonmousemats.co.uk/) ...and i reckon that another shop will be taking some more soon, plus i'm gonna have to put a new order in because im running out seriously fast!!

Sunday i woke up and after my 'strenuous' saturday i was exhausted....oh being ill is fun. So i stayed at home, did very little and watched the British Touring Car Championship, twas very good.

Monday, i didn't go in, after realising that if i do anything on one day, i'll be exhausted the next, i decided to rest for my exam on tuesday

Tuesday...technology exam, and it was amazing!! The easiest paper ever, i loved it :)

Wednesday was another rest day, i did absolutely nothing!! Like seriously, nothing...i did 15 minutes revision, then my eyes went funny and i couldnt see properly!

Thursday could have gone alot worse...2 Business exams in the morning went well, i think i answered them well, after business i went home, had lots of pasta and cheese then went back into school. Now i got into school to discover that the exam location had been changed...except no-one had told any of us that....i found Taylor walking back from where it should have been, and we walked to where our PHY1 exam was in January, but on our way we overheard a lady talking about some people who were missing in an exam because the room had been changed....so i asked her what subject that was, she replied "Physics" and we asked her where we were meant to be....Sports Hall......and from then on....it could only go downhill. BUT, the first 2 papers wern't actually that bad, and although they were hard i answered all the questions.....not bad for someone who hasn't done physics for 2.5 months!! However...i still had a PHY1 resit to do, and i opened the paper, and within 10 minutes my brain died, i couldn't remember anything at all, now this is probably because i havent done PHY1 stuff since January, anyway, i did another 5-10 minutes, then gave up and left. I explained to the lady and she understoood, and agreed that it was stupid having 5 hours of exams on 1 day!!!

Anyway, this morning (Friday) i've only got 1 lesson, because we don't have study leave, and my last exam is on 12th June, although i go back on the 9th to start A2 stuff....go figure. I'll be in at 11.00 and finish at 12.15, but will go into the highstreet to get a birthday present for a mate so will get home at about 1, its a tough life, but somebodys got to do it!

That is my eventful week...and i'm pleased to be able to write so much, and im alot happier now all the hard exams are out the way!! Although i'm a bit confused still, because my blood test results came back and i don't have Glandular Fever.....gaah, but no-one knows what i do have :S

Love to your mothers. (oh and love to my new reader....that gives me a grand total of 3 readers!)

TTFN

You Just Stay Home and Play Synthesizers

2008-05-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

Today was C2 exam (thats maths)....it went ok but given my condition and this being my 9th week of a Glandular Fever like virus i did the best i could, and i reckon i will have done ok.

An update on the world of Jono........

Still i'll, not getting better, struggling to finish the school day :( Snot good!!!

Anyway....thats about it, my life is incredibly boring at the moment :(

TTFN

Love to your mothers.

P.S I had a blood test today....the woman took like loads of blood....the needle was in my arm for over a minute...

And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now, What are you doing, now?

2008-05-01T11:47:00.000-07:00

Truth be told...i'm exhausted! This illness is really starting to take it's toll on me, i haven't had a sleep during today or yesterday and so subsequently i'm knackered. Saying this however, i'm very happy today, i had a really good meeting with ma mere and the head of sixth form, i've heard some great news about different friends, and so i'm pretty happy at the moment.

My exams start in 13 days, Physics practical being my first, i was bricking it about all my exams, but now i just don't care. I haven't done any revision, i've effectively missed 7 weeks of being able to do any meaningful amount of coursework and in 21 days i'll only have 1 left, i think the last one will go well actually, i've got a few weeks between my last physics exam (22nd May) and my last exam which is Decision maths (12th June).

I am however confused, my exams finish on 12th June, this im not confused about....what i am confused about is a letter i got through the post which told me that i start my A2 courses on 9th June......3 days before my last exam. It makes no logical sense. MEH

I'm basically wasting time before i go to bed, i'm aiming to be asleep by 9pm, am looking for 10 hours sleep tonight!

Love to your mothers.

Jonboi

You're pretty if The sun won't shine, I'll be coming out to meet you, I'll be there to make you mine.

2008-04-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

Wow i havent written for an actual age!!! Lots of stuffs happened since i last wrote so ill go through it all in cronilogical order....and will start at the beginning because as some famous guy once said "because the beginning is the best place to start"

Word Alive is where you left me, it was great! I had such an amazing time, i probably didn't get as much spiritually as i would have wanted because of being ill, and because my ill-ness (more on that later) caused me not to be able to concentrate for very long. BUT i had an awesome time, we had so much fun, and every time i get a text i'll rememember Word Alive!!! (and no-one reading this will understand why :S) To be perfectly honest it didnt matter that it was freezing, it was just nice to be out and about....after 4 weeks inside you appreciate the outside alot!

After Word Alive i went back to school (which is this week), it's been tough. I'm still struggling to focus and i've affectively missed 6 weeks of work/coursework/revision, im now very worried for my exams!! I'm happy that i'll be able to take them again. Nothing much has happened this week, i've had a great time with friends back at school and been tired really. But today im happy, even though i only got 3 and a half hours sleep last night :( its been a good weekend.

Have a great week, love to your mothers.

Jonboi

You took the sun from the hole in the sky, and then place it in my little hand. Oh what a rush just to be in control.

2008-04-06T00:15:00.000-07:00

Its Snowing!!!
Not that it will settle on the ground but i don't mind, it looks pretty.

I haven't written for a while, not sure why, spose its because i haven't had much to write about. I've been ill for ages, for the 2 weeks before 'spring break' and have been ill for the first week of it aswell. But now its Sunday and i'm going to Word Alive, am leaving today and staying overnight somewhere. I'm really looking forward to it, as long as i get better really quickly, but im feeling ok today so it shouldnt be too bad.

Have a great last week everyone!

Love to your mothers.

Jonboi

You know the world is an evil place, my baby is grown now, she's found her way. We're going through changes, we're going through changes.

2008-03-20T03:49:00.000-07:00

It's been 12 days since i last posted (shock horror!!) Since then alot has happened, because of all the stuff thats been going on, with 2 funerals within a week and an unbelievable amount of stress at school i have been on the verge of breaking down and then i picked up a cold, which has escalated into full blown man-numonia (flu-ey type bug/illness). Anyway, ive had it since wednesday last week, and had to cancel my driving lesson because i've been so tired aswell. I've been off since monday though, i went back in yesterday but after 2 lessons i needed to go home because i felt so ill!!!

Anywaaaaaaay, sam's now home and i'm feeling a bit better and alot more relaxed and looking forward to going back on tuesday, although hopefully i'll be alot better for monday because we're going to Go Ape at thetford forest, should be fun.

Anyways, hope my 2 readers have a good easter!!! (and anyone else whos decided to start reading this....)

Love to your mothers.

Tra Tra

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis, but it's just the price i pay, destiny is calling me.

2008-03-08T14:17:00.000-08:00

I'm doing better today, yesterday helped me alot. I've been able to move on from alot of my feeling that i'd had before. It was a beautiful service, heart wrenching but beautiful. I don't want to hang on the subject of funerals etc because its not the most possitive of things but what we can take from both the funerals of katie and josh is that they're both in heaven now, with god, and completely painless :) At Josh's wake we all let of balloons with things that we'd written on them, someone said to me that Josh will be up in heaven waiting with a pin to pop them!

The rest of friday was nice, apart from feeling like i was going to die in dan's car! DM+ was nice, there was a distinct lack of people though which was wierd....meh, we had a good time. I'd just like to publicly appoligise for stretching Raz'z jumper :P, it was surprisingly comfortable though!!

We are so cool !!!!!!!

Anyway, today was good/rubbish. I was stuck inside for most of the day doing work which wasnt fun but i went for a walk which was nice.

Have a good sunday! Until next time....

Tra Tra

People are all the same and we only get judged by what we do, my personality reflects me, and if I'm ugly then so are you.

2008-03-06T14:29:00.000-08:00

To be honest, it hasnt got that much better since last week. But im strong in god and my faith has grown through whats happened so that is positive.

This week i was challenged by a guy called Rob Bell who in one of his talks asked "when was the last time you fully appreciated gods creation??". And so i did, on wednesday i woke up at 6.20am cycled to the prom with camera in hand to watch this......its awesome........

I dont understand how people can watch the sunrise and sunset and still argue against a creator god.....their loss i spose, pretty serious thing to lose though.... :S

Finally, its Josh Pannells funeral tommorrow, needless to say im probably going to be quite a mess and so prayers and thoughts would be more than welcome.

Grace and Peace

Tra Tra

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster. So testosterone boys and harlequin girls, Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

2008-02-27T13:37:00.000-08:00

It's been a long 7 days, this time last week i was relitively happy, doing reasonably well and happy with school. Today though, im drepressed, bored and have never felt this much dislike towards anything before. You'll either know the reason or you won't, now is neither the time or or the placeto report on past events.

I don' t quite understand why i've reacted how i have because i never do, unless im really close to the person, but i wasn't....grrr life's confusing.

I need sleep, but im struggling with life at the moment, please pray for me, i need all the help i can get.

Tra Tra

This will turn out for my deliverance. I will get through this.

You could be so many people, just make that break for freedom, what have you done today to make you feel proud.

2008-02-13T14:12:00.000-08:00

I've had a really nice week so far, Monday i just dossed at home doing some work and just generally being lazy, yesterday i went to London with Anna, Helen, Grace, Meg, Grant, Dim et Gaylynn. I had such a really nice time (good grammer), it was a shame to leave really, i love london, i love it at night, with the lights, its sooo very pretty :) I had though been invited to london on 3 seperate occations this week, Monday, Yesterday and Friday, id have loved to go on all of them but when yesterday alone cost me £20 just getting to london and £15 on lunch, im now rather broke!! But i dont mind because i had a lovely time spending some quality time with some great friends...Today was pretty good aswell, i woke up latish, about 10, went to school for about 12ish and met up with Nikki and we went and "sold" mousemats to shops....i put sold in inverted comma's because i hadnt quite realised just how many chain/branded stores there are in maldon, we did sell some, above 20 but not as many as i'd of hoped.

On the last 2 nights ive watched the last episode of Life On Mars on BBCi, i love it, and im getting into Ashes to Ashes (the spin off series) which is rather good aswell.

I went some place mum and everyday I woke up in that place and i told myself I’m alive and I was, in some ways more than I’ve ever been. You know, a bar man, a bar man once told me, that you know when you’re alive because you can feel and you know when you’re not, because you don’t feel anything. I made a promise mum, I made a promise to someone I care about very much, “then you’ve got nothing to worry about, because you always keep your promises”

“Sam look at your hand”, I can’t feel it, “what”, err sorry excuse me....

It's a God awful small affair
To the girl with the mousey hair,
But her mummy is yelling, "No!"
And her daddy has told her to go,
But her friend is no where to be seen.
Now she walks through her sunken dream
To the seats with the clearest view
And she's hooked to the silver screen,
But the film is sadd'ning bore
For she's lived it ten times or more.
She could spit in the eyes of fools
As they ask her to focus on
Sailors
Fighting in the dance hall.
Oh man!
Look at those cavemen go.
It's the freakiest show.
Take a look at the lawman
Beating up the wrong guy.
Oh man!
Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show.
Is there life on Mars?"

Tra Tra

I thought it was over but it’s not, I’m spinning in circles I can’t stop

2008-02-07T12:12:00.000-08:00

I am soooooooooo tired. The last few days have been really good but they've been the most stressful and tiring in the last but great aswell!!!

Firstly....Wednesday......we moved Giddins's lathe (big metal thing that spins), it was huge and awkward. We moved it be hand, it didnt really work and ended up with it landing on Giddins's foot....ouch! We all started laughing as it was on his foot as he began shouting "Aaaaahhhh, my foot, my foot" but Colbeck went "dont laugh, dont laugh" we removed it from his foot then he said "and laugh" This is the pile of rubbish that was on his foot!

Secondly....Thursday....was soo tiring. I did 6 hours of technology coursework, nuff said....i got home and i was so close to falling asleep.

Interlude - 10 Minutes

Today.....was great, i got loads of work done, and this happened.........

I found it rather funny......although what scared me somewhat is teacher guy (the guy from the previous post.....) was at school...i nearly wet myself.....gaaaah.

Love to your mothers.

Tra Tra

But you were a boxing champ, and I was a weakling. You didn't give me a chance, You gave me a beating.

2008-02-02T12:26:00.000-08:00

Todays been interesting, this morning was great, i had another sax lesson which as per usual was amazing...with comments like "Today im giving out ass whippings and lolly pops and im all out of lolly pops..." which (somehow) led us on to talking about buying air guitars off eBay. That was the good part....i am though rather stressed at the moment, after a conversation with mein pere on thursday evening i came to the conclusion that i really don't know what i want to do career wise....i'd wanted to do Motorsport Engineering but had never really looked at the course in depth...but now i have i realise i dont want to do it....yes its interesting but i want to be doing hands on stuff, i want to be here.....

(in the morning at Le Mans 24 hours) i want to be part of the team.

Or so i thought i did....i still do....but equally i want to be part of the marketing side of things, sponsorship aquisition, management etc.....dont tell Mr Collen but i love business studies....but i love technology aswell.......

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Prayers for guidance would be nice, ta.

Tra Tra

Your hair was long when we first met.

2008-01-30T14:20:00.000-08:00

Today's been pretty good, i cant help thinking about what i described in the post below it makes me feel a bit bad...i know he shouldnt have been there in the first place, but it still feels wierd now that he's gone.

Anyways, apart from that ive had a good day, but it went quickly.

Driving after school was rather bad, it was a get it over lesson, it was one were i had all of mistakes pointed out (there are lots of them)....which made me feel a bit bad. And i stalled 3 times, during rush hour in Chelmsford, woops...... BUT i was positively impressed that i was able to pull away in 3rd gear, (i didnt realise) because i thought i'd changed down but i really hadnt. And i thought nothing of the fact i was reving extremely highly...meh!

Tommorrow im having a dad meal, which will be nice. I'm also going to get a costume for Raz'z party. He's going to Uganda for 10 days. (AGAIN) And big band which will be fun (although rather awkward).....

Anyways, hope you've all had a good day.....oh yer, just as a matter of curiousity...how many people actually read this...if you do, can you email me, or comment it, or talk to me on msn or whatever....

Tra Tra

You are my sweetest downfall, i loved you first, i loved you first, beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth, i have to go, i have to go....

2008-01-29T14:33:00.001-08:00

I'm going to keep this short, (i always say that but i actually mean that this time)....now this may make no-sense to my thousands of readers, but if i've told you then you will understand, if i havent then you may ask me but i dont promise to tell you. Now is not the place to inform...

Today, Technology teacher resigned by "mutual concent", you may draw your own conclusions.

That is all.

There coming around to start the second of there 2 warming up laps.....

2008-01-28T13:07:00.000-08:00

Wow that title is random....im watching the BTCC DVD (again, its 7 hours worth, ive got 6 more races left, so nearly done)....

Anyways, i need to go to bed so ill make this (reletively) short... the last few weeks have been great, ive come to realise just how truly lucky i am for all the support and general-ness from my friends. Last night however, i spent around an hour writing a piece called "my story" a bit like the testomony i did for my baptism, just a lot more honest. A holding-back nothing version, not that i lied in my baptism one you have to understand but theres some moments in my life that i prefer not to tell to over 100 people i dont really know.....or parts where ive said it briefly but with no detail....my new version is bang up to date....it took a lot of time and emotion...i was pretty close to tears during parts of it....but to some people (actually, 99.9% of people, excluding 1 person who does know why (well part of it) but i doubt they read this anyway) they wont understand why....its not that i dont feel close enought to tell my friends, but there are parts of life id prefer to forget, or only bring up in councelling years from now....

Anyway, that was my evening.....i was told off many times by parents, who when they both asked i replied "im writing, you dont need to know why" which rather confused them...

Today was good, and im currently watching Race 1 from the Knockhill (in scotland) round of the British Touring Car Championship.

Anyways, Tra Tra......

Neeeeeooooooooommmmmmmmmmmm (Fast car sound)

2008-01-27T08:07:00.000-08:00

GASP.......I didn't write last night....im kinda glad though, as it means that i now dont feel as obliged to write something everyday....anyway, i'll make up for the lack of writing yesterday by telling you about both today and yesterday......

Saturday
Woke up just before 8, left the house at about 8.30ish and began cycling to danbury, there was a huge headwind which was horrible, it also made it really hard to regulate my temperature....i got too cold with my jacket open a bit and no gloves, so i put them on and zipped up my coat and then i was too hot! No pleasing me eh? Got to church around 9.10 and helped put out chairs and tables, we were done by about 9.40 and so me and helen went down to tescos to get some food and drink because i hadnt had breakfast....we then walked up to watch the football which was nice. The little kids are really sweet when there playing, there all so small...makes me laugh. We then went to laugh at Nigel (helens dad) and get his keys and then we came back down to the bottom pitch where i had my pasta pot and then i got on my bike and went home........to do maths, maths, and more maths.......in the evening however, i had a brilliant time. I went to the quiz (that we'd set up for in the morning....), it was brilliant, we did rubbishly but we had such a great time. The quiz was really tailored for people over the age of 40 (and seeing as the average age of our team was about 20, we didnt stand much of a chance)....we would of won if the prize was for the best answers, for example....Who killed MacBeth????.....our answer....Shakespeare did. And my evening was like that really, we just made up stupid answers! (Y)

Sunday
This morning i got up at 8 again so that i could cycle to church so i could get there early.....i got on my usual bike and discovered a completely flat rear tyre, which seeing as it hasnt moved since when it was fine.....it confuses me.....but i have a spare bike so i tried to ride that but discovered/remembered that i stil havent fixed my bike since we went mountain biking when i bent my rear derailyer meaning that if i pedalled for more than 10 metres it moved forward and got itself stuck in my rear wheel which caused it to lock up. Anyway, i got a lift from dad and was there in time, i had to do lots of photo copying and set up for my lesson, which went really really well. I enjoyed it and i think they did aswell. Phil was observing it and said i did well which made me rather proud. But its god im grateful to, i was a bit worried before hand but i needant have been. Anyways, now im watching my British Touring Car Championship DVD (its really good) and im also talking to many people which is nice(ish)

Church Jazz thang tonight, should be fun.

Tra Tra

P.S I saw Norman last nite, and this morning and he's doing fine, back to good ol' storming norman again.

Hate is a strong word but i really really really don't like you....

2008-01-25T06:46:00.000-08:00

Today, during the last 42 minutes i have screamed twices, on my own in a room.....i am rather annoyed! For the upteenth time i now have not been able to do any work because of small children! My day has been great up till now, but now someone is going to get a sharp pain (the large chuck of metal sitting next to me) to the back (or front, depending on how i feel) of their head. Whats more, i have a driving lesson in half an hour, road rage here i come......

On the positive side, i am doing DMJ tonight (yey, that'll get me out of my bad mood...NOT), but DM+ will be fun, dessert evening, shame some people couldnt come but theres the usual lot there and i havent seen them for ages and so am looking forward to that!

If im still alive or not in prison (for murder) ....until next time...

Tra Tra

P.S Continue to pray for Norman please, im getting an update tonight hopefully but i doubt he'll be alot better.

What happens when you loose everything, you just start again, you start all over again.

2008-01-24T10:04:00.000-08:00

My day starting from last night includes such highlights as

Fight with dad - I won, he had a a baseball bat, i had a coat hanger than looked like this by the end.......nuff said.

Getting wet this morning - It was raining this morning, that didnt bother me as i got on my bike, as i hit the road though i realised that not having a rear mud guard was a disadvantage, i could feel the water on my bum as i rode up fambridge road and when i got to school i discovered the largest wet patch known to man.....not nice.

Raz poster - This slightly scared me....i was walking down from physics and i saw Raz but not in human form, she was on a poster, advertising farleigh hospice. It really really shocked me, i was like wait.....thats raz.....thats a bit wierd.........

Breaking the blade - I kinda maybe sorta broke the blade of the mechanical hacksaw...not proud of it, but i learnt from it.......Mr P said to me "thats the second blade thats broken this week!!!!" What he neglected to tell me for a while, was that he was the one who broke the first one......grrrrr

Band - As every band was amazing, im sorry sandon but plumes band urinates all over your orchestra and to be honest, your entire schooling system.....Plume is amazing! :)

Im "doing maths" (includes listening to Muse and other random artists, talking to people, going on myspace, facebook and of course writing this....) at the moment! Its good fun except the questions are so long they take up a page each, and ive got 5 to do....more paper...YEY!

Anyways, this week (as i predicted) has been amazing....FRIDAY DON'T LET ME DOWN!!!!!!!!!!

Tra Tra

P.S It may sounds rather repetitive but can you pray from Norman Skinner again please....thanks x

It's, not, how you start, it's how you finish, And it's, not, where you're from, it's where you're at.

2008-01-23T09:24:00.000-08:00

Wooopa, today was really good and had such a great time, plus ive ticked off one of the things off my list already!!!!!! # 41. (make donkeys/other random animal out of wood) but more of that later.....

I'll start with last night me thinks.....basically, i was this close (imagine fingers with very little gap between them) to chucking up, it was horrible...standing with my head over a toilet :( but when i woke up this morning i was fine, although id positioned my bin the appropriate distance from my bed, just it case.

Todays been great, i had half a physics lesson thing morning and then 2 frees....count them....1....2, then technology (where i did nothing because i couldnt use the lathes!) and then maths....it was amazing, then afterschool i made the greatest animal out of wood....look its amazing.....

I'm rather proud of it...and we also did this after school....

Zowie + Chair + String + Corridor = Fun

That was my day, one of the greatest in ages....thanks guys and gals!!!!!

Tra Tra

P.S Please continue to pray for Norman Skinner, ask if you want to know more.....

45 Things To Do Before 2009

2008-01-22T09:35:00.000-08:00

45Things To Do This Year by december 31st 2008 i will/should have done the following things:

1. get A's/B's for my a levels

2. don't get any points on my driving licence

3. get a "proper" job

4. learn how to make a good cake

5. maintain a relationship for more than 4 months

6. learn to like coffee

7. tidy my room

8. have a bath when fully clothed (dosent have to have water in it)

9. apply to university

10. stay up for 24 hours in a row

11. use the words "don't you know who i am?" successfully

12. go the to natural history museum on a date

13. pretend to be a foreign tourist for the day

14. send a message in a bottle

15. buy something from harrods

16. Finish my first screen play

17. Get an oyster card (and use it)

18. stop biting my nails

19. meet someone famous and talk to them

20. save 10% of everything i earn

21. go to madame tussauds

22. be on television23. fall in love

24. go to the circus

25. be a member of the audience for a tv/radio show

26. take the boat from greenwich down the thames

27. run 5k

28. cook a three course meal for friends/family

29. always look on the bright side of life

30. take more pictures of places i visit

31. spend less time on the phone

32. buy a stranger a coffee

33. remember to lock my car doors when i'm waiting at traffic lights

34. perform a comic song to a large group of people (more than 10!)

35. remember all my (good) friends' birthdays

36. stop looking back and concentrate on now

37. do a small triathlon

38. go busking

39. make a jammy dodger milkshake

40. watch more 'classic' films

41. make donkeys/other random animal out of wood

42. eat something i've never tried before

43. give a fiver to a really good busker

44. make the effort with people

45. find something good about every single day

Today was pretty good, i decided that i'd do the above, its something good to do, and achievable i think...ish. Nothing really special about today except its goodness, although a/s was fun, everytime someone threw a paper aeroplane at me, i took it to the bandsaw and cut it into lots of small pieces...... :)

Bible study tonigh which will be fun....but dinner now :)

TBH this is quite a boring blog, but im sure it'll get better tommorrow!

Tra Tra

P.S (although this will mean nothing to no-body) Nigel Stepney has a new job! http://www.f1technical.net/news/8067?sid=6879d5b6578a5a7233081239225b1a01

I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed I told god you didn't mean those nasty things you said...

2008-01-21T13:17:00.000-08:00

I know this sounds really sad, but im soo happy....part of the reason im not sure of, but wierdly im incredibly happy about the fact that 32 people are online atm, granted im only talking to 1 of them right now, but it pleases me.....im not really sure why but it amuses me and makes me happy...simple minds eh?

Today has been really really really really really really good, nothing especially good happened today but its been such a laugh (except P2 cus of maths, and parts of P3 because of those annoying Engineering kids who nicked my lathe (Grrrrr!), guys...when theres a sign on a lathe that says "its business time", that obviously means that someones booked it!!!!!) We had a laugh though, not doing any work and laughing about Zowies rubbish melting work, and randomly shoulding "it's business, its business time" (you had to be there....). Physics was amazing, we came, we saw, he (Mr C) went. A poster in for next week, he soo couldnt be bothered to teach us! And Business last lesson.....she didnt even turn up!!!!!! So i went to tech, got moaned at by Mr Ad and realised i was doing it majorly wrong and complicatedly, but now im re-doing it and its gonna make sense!!! Reeey....And me, Zowie, Nikki, Kyle, Larry, Amy and Will were just talking rubbish, it was amazing!! Plus talking about "life issues"! Random.

Anyways, on my way home i realised just how unfit i am, and that i havent been cycling since early december.....shock horror. I've so got to change that, back on my bike now, i dont usually struggle with the ride to and from school, but i really did this morning. I'm not sure why, but it was tough......need to start training a bit more now me thinks!

Tutor lesson tonight, i actually thought i was going to fall asleep....i was soo tired, but then i had fish and chips when i got home (except i had sausage instead because im not a great fan of fish...)did some pointless maths, of which ive probably got to start doing more of and now im writing this before i go to bed. In bed for 10.30 is my aim, asleep by 11....i stayed up way to late last night, and i payed the price today.

Anyways, im going to go to do some maths. Before i go, id like to tell you just how amazing wireless headphones are....the transmitter is plugged into my laptop upstairs, BUT....i want to change the song, and i cant be bothered to go up there. And again, can i ask you all to pray for Norman Skinner, he not doing too great at the moment....thanks

Until Next Time

Tra Tra

"I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have no choice, no way
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my family

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a step-brother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change herlast name

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally

Mom will be nicer I'll be so much better,
I'll tell my brother
Oh, I won't spill the milk at dinner
I'll be so much better,
I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever
I'll go to sleep at night"

I'm just trying to find, A decent melody, A song that I can sing, In my own company.

2008-01-20T14:32:00.000-08:00

(This is my second time of writing this as it disappeared so sorry if your reading it again)

Today has been rather good, ive had a good time and a bad time, church this morning and evening was really good, Barry White...i mean Dim preached this evening and Simon did this morning which i really enjoyed. The barnes's were there aswell (from sith ifrika) and it was nice to see them, and the mini-barnes's aswell. Whilst i think about it, Norman Skinner (known also as storming Norman) was admitted to hospital, i wont go into details here because its not nice but contact me if you want to know more....anyways, can you all pray for him, he's not in a good way, getting better but still not good anyways......

Im looking forward to this week, im not sure why but it'll still be good i reckon......although im sure it'll have hit the pan before wednesday.....but i hope not (thats PMA for you...)

I need my bed, although honestly im not going to be asleep before 12 but meh, it's earlier than most nights.....

Tra Tra

P.s watch this, its amazing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkoa204lmEc&feature=related

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

2008-01-19T09:09:00.000-08:00

I'm currently half way through saturdays maths session but im bored and need to take a break, so i thought i'd come write on here :) Todays been rather average (anna average, not my average) this morning was amazing, as usual. I had my sax lesson, and in this lesson i played sideways, won a bet for a quid :), and made up a really cool dance.....as well as actually playing properly. Teacher man told me that he'd never heard me play as well as i did today, he asked me "have you been practicing more or something", "yes" i replied....this isnt actually a lie, its just that before i wasnt practicing at all but now i practice 2 times a week :P The bet started after we were mucking about i stood on one leg with one leg crossing the one at right angles like this, http://images.jupiterimages.com/common/detail/81/07/23280781.jpg just with the non straight leg at more of an angle and not touch the ground, and he bet me £1 that i couldnt improvise over the track we were doing whilst standing on one leg for the whole thing...but i did it (Y) and although i was in alot of pain i got a pound, which just goes to show how broke i am right now.

Anyways, apart from that, ive had nacho's :) re-arranged the posters on my walls :) written down some quotes that i really like, that will be appearing >>>>>>>> when i can be bothered to put them on (raz'z blog gave me the idea, so thanks to raz'z blog, or raz). Plus ive done alot of maths, of which im not really even half way through and so should probably get back too, except i dont really want to! So im having ice cream :) if im honest my average day is only average because of the maths, ive had some really good ideas for some stuff to do in the next few weeks, and im really pleased because its the first time in ages that ive been able to sit down and work for more than an hour without a break. I think ive done nearly 3 hours so far, which just explains the extent of the work i've done...good thing no other subjects want work in for monday.

Anyway, im off now, but looking forward to tommorrow, im really enjoying church now, after my drop during november (if you dont know why then im not going to tell you why!...unless im in an exceptionally good mood and have forgotten to tell you!) its gradually building up again and last sundays evening service (twas a baptism one) was amazing. I loved it!

Tra Tra

And I feel the way that every child should, sit and listen, sit and listen.

2008-01-18T07:36:00.000-08:00

I've been reading back over my blog from yesterday and it struck my that when i said "noticing a pattern here?" i may appear to people that the pattern i refered too was one were i liked to buy dvd's of dead famous people, which seems a tad sick to me.....but what i actually meant is the pattern is about buying motorsport dvd's rather than ones of dead people....thats just a bit wierd.

Anyways, today was ok actually, i had a really nice day. Rather short it has to be said, i had Business, Physics and Maths....and thats it :) I stayed 4th to do some coursework in technology which is actually coming on (that goodness!) and i've finally got it to start working....kinda. If you dont know, im building a lathe, a smaller one, that can cut through rubber with a decent finish...and if you dont know what a lathe is then look at this http://www.fortune-cnc.com/prod/img/lathe.jpg so im basically building one of them....just smaller.....alot smaller! Anyways the free was good, and i got stuff done which never happens when im in technology....my favourite 2 quotes of the day were between me and matt...the first one when matt was standing on his engine bay (that has wheels) talking to his mum on his phone...i tried to push him off, but he shouted "DONT!!!" and after explaining his random outburst to his mum she said to me (through the medium of matt)..."don't do that otherwise i'll make you fail all of your exams!!!", i replied to her "I'm perfectly cappable of doing that myself thank you very much!!!"

My second favourite quote again (obviously :P ) came from me.....i plugged my mp4 player into the speaker system turned on some jazz stuff, when i returned he looked at me and said "what is this" is replied "its the only thing i thought you'd like, i dont think you'd like anything else on it" "like what " he replied...."anything modern" i said!

Soo actually it has been a pretty good day, and had a driving lesson at 1.15 which went really well :) i've got alot better.....i think :S

Anyway, tonight im doing DMJ and DM+ which will be a laugh, although the CCHS lot wont be there which sucks rather, but im sure we'll have a really nice time anyway...

Looking forward to the weekend now :)

Tra Tra

"If only I knew what I know
I'd make it a point to say so
To everyone that got me here
And everyone that made it"

When I'm losing my control, the city spins around.

2008-01-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

Todays been alright, we went over the physics paper which meant i got an indication of just how badly ive done. I don't really care if im honest, i can take it another 3 times and if i havent got the hang of PHY1 by then, theres not much point me doing PHY2-6. I've really stuggled with exams, it's not that i can't do it, im class im fine and without wanting to sound up myself, im probably in the top 2 in our class when it comes to doing PHY1 questions, its just when i get into an exam hall, or even when i just have to be under exam conditions that i come unstuck and go very wrong and make some really really stupid mistakes. Reading through what i've just written makes me sound quite depressive, and listening to the Fray probably isnt helping either, its been a long week and im thankful that its nearly the weekend. I need to catch up with sleep, with myself and work out how i need to be different to get to where i want to go.

Last night was pretty hard, after my exam i was pretty sad and then some stuff happened which didnt help either, and to top it all, i watched the full uncut version of the Colin McRae DVD i got for christmas, its made me pretty emotional, it's scary to really discover the full extent of how one person can affect so much, just like Senna, i was 4 when he died, but i've come to realise in the last year that through his death he's saved so many lives. Another guy died on the same weekend as Senna, during Friday practice he had a huge crash which killed him, but his death did nothing for safety, it did nothing to save the life of so many people, but Senna, Senna was so popular, i've also got the Senna DVD (noticing a pattern yet??) it's amazing and really shows just how much these guys meant to the world, it makes me sound a bit of a sap really but i dont care, its how im feeling right now, pretty mixed. My version of average, rather than Anna's (that won't make any sense to anyone apart from me and her!)

Saying that though, there are some really high points in my life right now, im actually loving school at the moment, the work load is really tough but im loving the people, they're such a laugh and great fun to hang around with. Moving schools could have been a real struggle, but it hasnt been, not at all, everyones made it a real ease, of which im so greatful. And i feel i've grown spiritually in the last few weeks or so, there was alot of crap that happened last year which really didnt help me in the God department, but now i feel im getting there, back to where i was before, well nearly.

I'm very much looking forward to friday now, yey its tommorrow :) i've only got 3 lessons, and a driving lesson, plus kids club, plus DM+ and seeing some of the greatest people god's ever created, although by the sounds of it some of them will be missing (i mean, what would you rather see; me or star wars???) which sucks a tad but we'll have a nice time anyways.

I've never written this at school but i've got a free period and so i'm sitting here in technology sitting with nikki, listening to the Fray, (£5 from WHSmith!, amazing) :), but also nikki's random ramblings about how her coursework isnt working, rather amusing :) !

I'm doing rather well at doing this every day (its been tough, a whole 3 days!) but i hope i can keep it up, im enjoying writing. And for who-ever is reading, i hope you enjoy reading it aswell!

Tra Tra

"I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears"

When theres nowhere else to run, is there room for one more song. If you can hold on, if you can hold on, hold on.

2008-01-16T09:01:00.000-08:00

"Over and in, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on"

This weeks been....interesting, it started off great but has got progressively worse. I had such an amazing time on Saturday at the Autosport Show, there was a colin mcrae tribute in the live action arena, it was amazing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsOQMZbyNrQ it was one of those moments that i watch back on and it makes me feel wierd, like the feeling when you hear a song that gets you, the type that if it catches you in the wrong mood it could make you a tad tearful...i still find it hard to believe he's gone, i watched the "Colin McRae Rally Legend" DVD again last night, its my new favourite, i know that whoevers reading this wont quite understand why his deaths had such an impact on me, and if im honest i dont really know why either, ive never really been a great rally fan but since september its all changed. Anyways, Sunday was good too, had a great service and the evening was good fun aswell. Monday was fine, if a little dull, and yesterday was rather awkward, i found out some stuff i wish i hadnt and i was revising aswell...oh the fun. Today was pretty rubbish if im honest, had a physics lesson where our class was told again that we were all going to fail, its really annoyed me actually and put a real downer on our class moral. Which seeing as today was our physics exam, didnt really help. I'm not gonna lie, i did pretty badly, im just glad i can re-take it. But the rest of the week looks good, no more exams ever, till may :) but i found out i have 4 exams on one day on the 22nd of may which is rather annoying! Friday looks gd aswell, 2 free's 4th and 5th and a driving lesson at 1.15, then the dm mini's (church youth group for years 4-6 that i help with) and then DM+ (my youth group). Saturday bodes well, with a saxophone lesson with possibly the greatest teacher ever, FACT. Dad keeps threatening to stop them if i dont practice, but im pretty sure he wont....i hope.

Right, im off, as are the parents tonight which is gd, im gonna go and try and get myself out of the depressive state im already in....oh what fun.

Tra Tra

The bird cage has got no birds.

2008-01-14T13:57:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to do this for a while, i think alot and getting those thoughts down on paper is a way for me to measure just how im feeling inside.....

Anyway, today was funishbutnotreallyness, bog standard day really; Info Briefing, Free, Maths, Tech, Physics, Free, Tutor Lesson. Maths im now begining to hate, not the subject but am realising just why so many dislike the teacher who must not be named, she's really begginning to get on my nerves, and i was so glad to get out of the classroom for break at 11.00.

I've realised over the last few days how truly happy i am at school now, and how im so glad that i've changed schools. My friends are amazing, i am so lucky to have people like them. Matt, Zowie, Nikki, Kyle, Georgia, Chelsie...just to name a few. It really gives me encouragement how quickly ive settled, its the best choice ive made in the last few year. I also realised how much my church friends mean to me aswell (in alphabetical order); Anna, Becca, Catherine, Lizzy, Phil, Raz, Scott, plus more, you guys and gals know who you are. You and the plume guys and gals mean the world to me, and this years been a pretty rubbish one, but you've helped me, and i am infinately grateful. So Thank you. X

Exams are nearly over, and once they are im gonna get my life back on track, my room is tip, a bit like my life and so thats the first step but after that im going to really make an effort. My new years resolutions this year were; be more positive and be nicer and make an effort with people (even if i dont like them). And im really going to try to do that, it'll be tough, and im being challenged already but its nice to be nice, and the positive bit helps aswell. After the helpful "your all going to fail" comment from my physics teacher i was in a bit of a mess, but now ive done some work tonight im alot happier that i can do better than my mock, which shouldnt be too hard lets be honest, i got an E!!

I'm tired and only got to sleep at 2am last night, but im going to try to get to bed earlier aswell, if my plans for the new year take shape, i should be a bit more relaxed, more positive and more organised with my work and life, and so i can get to sleep a bit earlier than usual.

Until next time.

Tra Tra